fame and infamy

march 7, 2024

with the advent of apps like TikTok, individuals have the ability to control their narrative in a way that they didn't at the dawn of hollywood. 

i think about all the gay men (and women) who were not allowed to be themselves because hollywood was selling not just an aesthetic, but an "american ideal"--that life for which we were all supposed to strive. 

things are different now. but we're still striving. now instead of having to do makeup for acting, we got everyone doing makeup tutorials and preteens out here looking like celebrities in their social media reels.

i think there will always be people who prefer to have the answers given to them. the cheaters. the ones who want to benefit from all the progress without doing any of the actual work themselves. the ones who find things within the superficial to enjoy, so that they can make the best of the shit hands we've all been dealt under the world order, under the control of the oligarchs. 

then there are the people's whose brains lead to new developments. the people studying atoms. the people going to space. the people building robots.

do i mean that all innovators have been good, ethical people? no. was anything oppenheimer was doing going to benefit the human race? no. was it a scientific achievement? sure. but the cost was not worth it. 

there is this assumption that new technology is better when we haven't even fully grasped the magnitude, the impact our older technology has had. (oppenheimer is a perfect example; we're making movies about this guy because his contribution to the direction technology took is significant. p.s. i chose to see barbie instead.)

look at cell phones. what good has actually come from them? our ability to remain better connected? is seeing the people we're talking with really more important than what we're saying to them? the assumption is that it's better, it's better, it's superior. but technology does come at a cost, and marketers have a harder time hiding things when anyone can become a journalist using their cell phone and some stealth. 

but back to narratives. marketing and advertising, public relations, all of these have to do with the way that something is presented to make it likeable, so that consumers will consume it, buy into it. i guess the ultimate goal if you seek fame is to have a lasting career. if you're in it for the adoration, you just keep wanting more and more of it, or you need more and more of it to make more money. 

what i really was thinking about was these very intimate tidbits that i know about people because of social media that before would have been more carefully curated through the efforts of someone's PR staff and agent or whatever. but now tony baker, a comedian i discovered because of his animal video voiceovers, who is now a regular presence in my media feed, where he shares details about his life, his growth, and more personal reflections in addition to promoting his tour and so on. he controls his own media presence. it's still a lot of work for him, but he's sharing in a way that was not possible on multiple levels back in the day.

so on one hand i'm like so grateful to have tony baker in my life. but on the other i don't want the people of congo to be completely destroyed. and our cell phones are responsible, in part, for that crisis (also just capitalism--which is inherently racist). 

it still feels like a trade-off that i willingly participate in, and that doesn't make me feel good. 

i could give up my cell phone. get a land line. do more through email. have very clear business hours. 

i can barely remember what it was like without a cell phone. i have old memories of coming home and lying on my couch and playing games on my phone like it was the only thing that mattered in the universe. 

and even without the cell phone, it would have been something else. we do naturally find ways to cope with a toxic system. we can't escape it--well, people try that too with drugs and sex and dating or whatever. but we can't get outside the system. we're trapped in it, and a lot of people reason that we should just make the best of it, and since we can't change things, we just find ways to cope that aren't too awful--let us have our cell phones and our video games and our hot tubs and massage chairs and sex toys. 

it's bleak, man. 

at any given moment all i have to do is think about the suffering in the world, and i feel completely overwhelmed. there are not enough energy cells in my body to do the level of work i feel like i need to do in order to be most effective as helper. 

and sometimes all the little things i do don't feel like enough either. but they have to be. and i know that the point is not to beat myself up, not to self-degrade, not to feel powerless. that doesn't serve me, and therefore it doesn't serve the cause (which is quite simply love). 

i'm feeling bad because of the things i haven't been able to do. like i couldn't go to the protest for the ceasefire down in pittsburgh. i just couldn't. it was something simple i could have done in solidarity with peace, and i didn't. 

but i know i don't need to punish myself for how i've been feeling. i feel how i feel. and what i do with it, and how i channel my energy to support my needs is valid. activism has many forms, and mine has never been out on the streets. it's just not how my brain operates, and of course it intersects with my privilege. 

i remember writing a piece that basically explored how certain things in the "want" category become a presumptive "need" item as they become popularized in our culture. the cell phone is a perfect example of that. originally it was only the very wealthy who had mobile phones. they were big and clunky and stupid, because who really needs to know about something at the exact time when they are driving? but still, they became a status symbol, and when they became more accessible they very quickly became part of just how we did things. it only took a couple generations to go from people who remembered having only land lines to people who had a tablet by the time they were 2 years old. 

people who refuse to participate in cultural technology are at a disadvantage only in terms of how easy it is for them to socialize. they can still engage just fine with their immediate communities, but references and just sharing in the phenomenon makes them outliers. i had some friends who, like me, were resistant to getting a smartphone. i waited until i too became enamored with the potential this pocket-sized device had. it was garage band that sold me, because at the time i was still really missing making music, and so the idea that i could technically produce it myself using an app on my phone was enough to get me to purchase an older model iPhone. i never did learn to use garage band. and after that iPhone, i went onto an Android, and never looked back.

no, i am looking back right now actually. i don't know why i added that cliché. 

point being, it was the turning point for me. 

and i do think about it a lot. the ways it sort of can help to connect us, but how ultimately it's just another vehicle for capitalism to feed off our emotions and make us spend money.

i do love tony baker, and i'm glad i get to see him in my feed. 

i knew that my buddy trent and i were going to be good friends when he reminded me that there is no such thing as ethical consumption under capitalism. 

it's important to remember. that the way the system is designed, we cannot avoid participating in the oppression of certain people. 

i think that's why the people who go off-grid want to go off-grid; they want to participate as little as possible with the way of living that relies on so much exploitation. 

but we can't condemn people either for living their lives in these ways, because it's not their fault that the system exists. it's not their fault there isn't enough time in the day for their actual lives, and that so many of us have to labor away our time for someone else in order to survive. most of us are not rich, and we do what we can to get by, because that's what surviving in capitalism entails. 

so i'm not trying to blame the people who don't opt not to get cell phones, or who opt to play the stock market. 

i just think it's good to know what you're taking part in. it's good to understand how it works. because maybe if there wasn't so much PR, people could make informed decisions that support the values many of us actually do share toward progress, rather than the same superficial things that only support the appearance of something much less glamorous and much more intimate and beautiful and authentic. 

maybe not. maybe we're just not that different from any other animal, and the planet is destined for another major mass extinction, and then it'll all just start over again with some other animal who makes it to the top of the food chain. 

i always have to reframe for myself, because i cannot just feel powerless against it all. that doesn't give me hope. it doesn't give me agency. 

in this moment, all i need to do is take care of myself. and that means drinking some more filtered water from the tap, listening to some music, getting some work done, and exercising, then going to meet up with friends to celebrate bob's birthday. and within the mundane, i'll have opportunities to share ideas with people, and in there i can support my cause. 

i can stand in solidarity. i can speak for people who aren't in the room. i can use my privilege to stand up in smaller spaces for the oppressed. i can donate to organizations who are organizing and mobilizing aid. hell, i can send fifty bucks to the resistance garden. i can support mutual aid efforts through social media. i can research the candidates in the upcoming elections and case my vote. i can keep learning and increase my awareness. and all that  and any of that is enough. because i'm one person, and we each are responsible for playing our part. i get to decide what mine is.