live and let live
january 27, 2020
just moments ago, during a lull at work, i was scrolling through facebook and noticed that my niece reposted a picture that says, "If you are not doing what you love, you're wasting your time." this seems all kinds of problematic. but it made me think of conflicting narratives that i associate with our culture, and i wanted to take some time to unpack the implications of sentiments like this.
when we are young, there are conflicting bits of wisdom that are either implicitly or explicitly offered to us about being grown-up. we are asked to consider what we would like to BE, and also imparted with the idea that we can be anything if we work hard enough toward it. i'm not going into the problems with the latter, though if you know anything about inequity and the history of the haves and have nots, then you should understand why that idea is problematic.
so the pressure to decide what we do want to be and do with our lives begins from a young age, without much discussion about how, exactly, what we do for an INCOME relates to our sense of happiness or fulfillment or identity. in my mind, a person is not their job. a person is not defined by what they do for income. and of course i wish that everyone were capable of working to live rather than living to work, which is what so many are doing.
enter the sentiment about doing what you love.
if someone were to ask me what i love right now, i would answer that i love doing nothing, watching netflix, reading articles about a range of topics, talking with friends about life and waxing philosophical. i love spending time with my boyfriend and my cats. i love writing. i love learning about quantum physics. and i love learning in general, though i can only handle so much that pertains to the state of the country (or world) today. i love cooking for people i care about. i love helping people access supports for their mental health wellness. i can think of some other things i love, but the point is that this does not constitute a huge part of each day.
each day is made up mostly of the hours i spend at work (in my case, this is 8 hours a day at least, 5 days a week--and i am grateful for my full-time income). then there is the time i spend taking care of myself and my home. i can't say i love doing dishes or showering, but i can find joy in these things even though they are tasks i must do as part of maintenance. then there are my bills--which are really the reason i work how i do. i need to earn a certain amount just to be able to pay utilities, rent, health insurance, car payment, cell phone bill, food. none of these things are particularly fun, and i can't say i love them. i wouldn't even have a car or a phone if it weren't necessary (and i am implying here that these things are necessary for me--not saying everyone must have them).
point being, it takes a certain level of privilege (and independent wealth) to simply do what one loves. and i think we're doing a disservice to young people by continuing to spread messages about how someone is "wasting time" if they're not doing what they love. a lot of what we don't love is still required of us. and i'm not saying i agree with that. in fact, i really do feel that all of our basic needs should not cost a thing--shelter, heat, clothing, food. if we want something fancier than the basics, sure we would pay for it, but no one should be denied these basic needs to survive.
but my question is, what is the better message that we can spread? if it's too unrealistic to talk about doing what you love, and this taking up the bulk of one's time, how can we restate this so that it isn't setting people up for major disappointment or frustration? for example, i don't want to say, get ready to sell your time to an employer who can replace you easily just to meet the most basic of your needs. i don't want to say prepare to work a job you probably don't care for just to make ends meet, and prepare to feel miserable because most of your time will not be your own.
what i want to say is...
we live in a world that has commodified everything. our time. our intrinsic value as human beings. and the most basic of our needs. everything costs money, so be prepared to spend a chunk of your life earning an income that supports those basic needs. if you're lucky, you will have an interest in a field that generates more than minimum wage. or perhaps by the time you join the workforce, the minimum wage will have been raised to an amount that is actually a living wage. it is normal not to know what you want to do for an income for the rest of your adult life. it takes time to explore what's available, and find where you can imagine yourself working for a long-term stint. BUT. in your free time, i wish you the energy to engage in the activities that bring you joy, no matter what that is--if it's playing video games or hiking in the woods, or playing a sport, or painting, or writing music, or watching youtube videos, or spending time with a friend or relative. if you aren't nurturing your spirit, you are neglecting it. it takes discipline to take care of yourself, and it takes discipline to tend to the parts of your being that are not required to earn an income. and i wish that you are able to discover joy in even the most mundane of tasks that are required of you to live. i hope you find joy in the little things and are not just waiting repeatedly for the big moments to make all the smaller bits seem worth it.
i am not working in a field i love. i love my coworkers, and i enjoy many of the customers whom we serve. but i am not wasting my time. i am filling it as best i can, and leaving room for the things i do love, and making room as well. for me, relationships are the most important thing about our existence. and i have always dedicated time to these, including the relationship i have with myself. i am fortunate in many ways. privileged still in others. my life has not been easy, but no one said it would be. i wish they had been more honest about how difficult things are. and more honest about the responsibility of assigning meaning in my own life...
i never had something i was so dedicated to accomplishing that it took up years of my time and energy. i never had a lucrative idea that i was determined to bring to fruition. i, like so many others, am simply doing what i must in order to survive, and then using the time outside of what i devote to my job to enjoy any little part of life i can. and that is fine. that is enough.
if it is not enough for someone else, then it remains their responsibility to figure out how to live a more fulfilling life. but stop telling people that they can be anything they want to be, and that we must do what we love or else we're wasting our time. let people be who they are without aspiring to be anything else. encourage people to make time for themselves, since if we're being honest, so much of our time is already spoken for thanks to capitalism. we can support people's pursuit of their passions without making others who don't experience that level of passion feel there is something wrong with them.
when we are young, there are conflicting bits of wisdom that are either implicitly or explicitly offered to us about being grown-up. we are asked to consider what we would like to BE, and also imparted with the idea that we can be anything if we work hard enough toward it. i'm not going into the problems with the latter, though if you know anything about inequity and the history of the haves and have nots, then you should understand why that idea is problematic.
so the pressure to decide what we do want to be and do with our lives begins from a young age, without much discussion about how, exactly, what we do for an INCOME relates to our sense of happiness or fulfillment or identity. in my mind, a person is not their job. a person is not defined by what they do for income. and of course i wish that everyone were capable of working to live rather than living to work, which is what so many are doing.
enter the sentiment about doing what you love.
if someone were to ask me what i love right now, i would answer that i love doing nothing, watching netflix, reading articles about a range of topics, talking with friends about life and waxing philosophical. i love spending time with my boyfriend and my cats. i love writing. i love learning about quantum physics. and i love learning in general, though i can only handle so much that pertains to the state of the country (or world) today. i love cooking for people i care about. i love helping people access supports for their mental health wellness. i can think of some other things i love, but the point is that this does not constitute a huge part of each day.
each day is made up mostly of the hours i spend at work (in my case, this is 8 hours a day at least, 5 days a week--and i am grateful for my full-time income). then there is the time i spend taking care of myself and my home. i can't say i love doing dishes or showering, but i can find joy in these things even though they are tasks i must do as part of maintenance. then there are my bills--which are really the reason i work how i do. i need to earn a certain amount just to be able to pay utilities, rent, health insurance, car payment, cell phone bill, food. none of these things are particularly fun, and i can't say i love them. i wouldn't even have a car or a phone if it weren't necessary (and i am implying here that these things are necessary for me--not saying everyone must have them).
point being, it takes a certain level of privilege (and independent wealth) to simply do what one loves. and i think we're doing a disservice to young people by continuing to spread messages about how someone is "wasting time" if they're not doing what they love. a lot of what we don't love is still required of us. and i'm not saying i agree with that. in fact, i really do feel that all of our basic needs should not cost a thing--shelter, heat, clothing, food. if we want something fancier than the basics, sure we would pay for it, but no one should be denied these basic needs to survive.
but my question is, what is the better message that we can spread? if it's too unrealistic to talk about doing what you love, and this taking up the bulk of one's time, how can we restate this so that it isn't setting people up for major disappointment or frustration? for example, i don't want to say, get ready to sell your time to an employer who can replace you easily just to meet the most basic of your needs. i don't want to say prepare to work a job you probably don't care for just to make ends meet, and prepare to feel miserable because most of your time will not be your own.
what i want to say is...
we live in a world that has commodified everything. our time. our intrinsic value as human beings. and the most basic of our needs. everything costs money, so be prepared to spend a chunk of your life earning an income that supports those basic needs. if you're lucky, you will have an interest in a field that generates more than minimum wage. or perhaps by the time you join the workforce, the minimum wage will have been raised to an amount that is actually a living wage. it is normal not to know what you want to do for an income for the rest of your adult life. it takes time to explore what's available, and find where you can imagine yourself working for a long-term stint. BUT. in your free time, i wish you the energy to engage in the activities that bring you joy, no matter what that is--if it's playing video games or hiking in the woods, or playing a sport, or painting, or writing music, or watching youtube videos, or spending time with a friend or relative. if you aren't nurturing your spirit, you are neglecting it. it takes discipline to take care of yourself, and it takes discipline to tend to the parts of your being that are not required to earn an income. and i wish that you are able to discover joy in even the most mundane of tasks that are required of you to live. i hope you find joy in the little things and are not just waiting repeatedly for the big moments to make all the smaller bits seem worth it.
i am not working in a field i love. i love my coworkers, and i enjoy many of the customers whom we serve. but i am not wasting my time. i am filling it as best i can, and leaving room for the things i do love, and making room as well. for me, relationships are the most important thing about our existence. and i have always dedicated time to these, including the relationship i have with myself. i am fortunate in many ways. privileged still in others. my life has not been easy, but no one said it would be. i wish they had been more honest about how difficult things are. and more honest about the responsibility of assigning meaning in my own life...
i never had something i was so dedicated to accomplishing that it took up years of my time and energy. i never had a lucrative idea that i was determined to bring to fruition. i, like so many others, am simply doing what i must in order to survive, and then using the time outside of what i devote to my job to enjoy any little part of life i can. and that is fine. that is enough.
if it is not enough for someone else, then it remains their responsibility to figure out how to live a more fulfilling life. but stop telling people that they can be anything they want to be, and that we must do what we love or else we're wasting our time. let people be who they are without aspiring to be anything else. encourage people to make time for themselves, since if we're being honest, so much of our time is already spoken for thanks to capitalism. we can support people's pursuit of their passions without making others who don't experience that level of passion feel there is something wrong with them.
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