your experience does not trump someone else's

january 22, 2020

i get that there are a multitude of changes and experiences that feel so foreign to people who have not themselves worked toward or had. but i am thinking of two friends tonight who have both recently experienced different examples of invalidation. and it did nothing for them besides make them feel worse, and throw another wrench into an already devastatingly difficult time.

when you (whether directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally) minimize, dismiss, or question someone's truth, what do you think that accomplishes? what is the need one feels to outright dismiss another person's experience, rather than, if anything, taking the time to understand and better educate themselves on something they are ignorant or misinformed about? 

i believe that when a person's fundamental view of the world is challenged, it is uncomfortable. and so many people, rather than being open to learning more and developing deeper understanding, reject this new way of seeing. i suppose it can be painful when beliefs so central, so conventional to one's understanding of how the world and people work is shaken. the brave ones manage this discomfort by looking inward to explore it--why it's there, where it comes from, how they learned it, how it has shaped or influenced the collective consciousness. the cowards cling to their beliefs. lash out. steer clear of lenses that don't fit comfortably over their preexisting perspective...and hurt others in the process, often perpetuating the marginalization that has and does occur to a great many individuals.

when someone tells you their truth, you don't have to understand it in order to respect that it is their truth. adding judgment, making some sort of comparison to your own experience, or simply dismissing someone's (emotional) experience because it is not your wreaks of unchecked privilege. 

i know it's hard, with our egos, to accept that our way of being is not the only way or the best way. but please. listen to people.