not-so-hidden desires
january 10, 2020
i read an article last night about uncovering one's micro-motives in order to identify job characteristics that will lead to a more fulfilling career. it was interesting, though it was reminiscent of an exercise i did in the counseling program that related to a person's core values. but the exercise the article recommended to identify these micro-motives is to 1) be aware of your judgments, 2) identify the feelings that emerge relating to that judgment, and 3) ask yourself why you're experiencing those feelings. the idea is to identify characteristics that support your sense of fulfillment, as well as characteristics that detract from it.
i really like my current job. the times when it's busy, time moves so quickly. i have moments of feeling overwhelmed, just like with anything else. but generally, i am quite content in my role here, and with my job duties. it's funny: i used to imagine being a secretary and what that would be like. sipping coffee at my desk. answering the phone. the smell of freshly printed documents. greeting customers as they walk in the door. and here i am, two masters degrees later, working for a health insurance broker.
i am beginning to make a note of the times when i make judgments, and sifting through the emotions that accompany them so that i can become more aware of the things that i do find fulfilling. part of what i have been feeling bad about is not being more passionate about anything. but i also thought, with this entry, that it would benefit me just to talk a bit about what i do want for myself, ideally, to try and begin manifesting it!
my ideal work day would begin at 10am and end at 4pm, if not sooner. but 6 hour workdays have proven to be great for me. it's helpful to be close to my job, so that i can get as much sleep as possible, and so it doesn't take me long to drag my butt into work on the days i'm having a harder time getting moving. i also really enjoy the time i get to work alone, which is typically at least a couple of hours in the morning. i like not having many coworkers, and only a couple people to answer to. so my ideal job would not be at a place with a lot of employees. i also appreciate how straightforward this job is. i answer phones, i relay messages, i file and organize, i take care of ordering, and i am supportive of my coworkers. nothing that carries a heavy responsibility--meaning if something doesn't get done, or if i miss a call, it isn't the end of the world. my last job i dealt with people who were suicidal, clients who died of overdose, and listened to a lot of trauma. i appreciate working with people who appreciate me and express their appreciation regularly. i did not like feeling like a number, even though there was an amount of invisibility at my old job that i did like (on days when people didn't show, i just hung out in my office and enjoyed that alone-time, much as i hated not being paid).
the only thing about this job is that it pays less than i need to be able to save any money. i would benefit from earning a couple hundred more each week. so if i could earn $600 after taxes each week, that would be great. let me do the math--6 hours a day, 4 days a week, is 24 hours. that means i would need to earn a little over $25 an hour. i had that with counseling. but i don't like everything that goes along with counseling. unless there were a way to avoid working with insurance companies--which is possible if i did private-pay.
okay, so i like having a lot of independence, but also working with a couple people who are cool to work with. i like a less time-consuming schedule so that i have more time to do what i want outside of work. what about the nature of the work itself?
i do enjoy helping people. and by that, in my case, i enjoy being the listener or emotionally supportive person. but i also enjoy mundane tasks like data entry. i like composing letters and working on word documents. i do not like customer service that requires me to be fake. i enjoy being sincere and genuine, and being able to be honest with people.
based on some of the judgments i've been clocking, nothing revelatory has been acknowledged that leads me to any insights about what job(s) would best suit me. it's really difficult to find things that appeal to me and pay enough. the only reason i ended up being a secretary is because my best friend works here, and i knew that having 40 consistent hours a week would help me financially. i have no interest in promoting healthcare plans from the duopoly companies that profit from people's necessity for medical care. and, as i said, i am content here right now. and i don't just mean with my job. i am content with my life right now. and this is a good feeling. i am doing my best to enjoy what i feel blessed to have right now. and i like that i don't have to make any immediate decisions about what's next. for now, this job is working for me, and things in my own head and heart are good.
i really like my current job. the times when it's busy, time moves so quickly. i have moments of feeling overwhelmed, just like with anything else. but generally, i am quite content in my role here, and with my job duties. it's funny: i used to imagine being a secretary and what that would be like. sipping coffee at my desk. answering the phone. the smell of freshly printed documents. greeting customers as they walk in the door. and here i am, two masters degrees later, working for a health insurance broker.
i am beginning to make a note of the times when i make judgments, and sifting through the emotions that accompany them so that i can become more aware of the things that i do find fulfilling. part of what i have been feeling bad about is not being more passionate about anything. but i also thought, with this entry, that it would benefit me just to talk a bit about what i do want for myself, ideally, to try and begin manifesting it!
my ideal work day would begin at 10am and end at 4pm, if not sooner. but 6 hour workdays have proven to be great for me. it's helpful to be close to my job, so that i can get as much sleep as possible, and so it doesn't take me long to drag my butt into work on the days i'm having a harder time getting moving. i also really enjoy the time i get to work alone, which is typically at least a couple of hours in the morning. i like not having many coworkers, and only a couple people to answer to. so my ideal job would not be at a place with a lot of employees. i also appreciate how straightforward this job is. i answer phones, i relay messages, i file and organize, i take care of ordering, and i am supportive of my coworkers. nothing that carries a heavy responsibility--meaning if something doesn't get done, or if i miss a call, it isn't the end of the world. my last job i dealt with people who were suicidal, clients who died of overdose, and listened to a lot of trauma. i appreciate working with people who appreciate me and express their appreciation regularly. i did not like feeling like a number, even though there was an amount of invisibility at my old job that i did like (on days when people didn't show, i just hung out in my office and enjoyed that alone-time, much as i hated not being paid).
the only thing about this job is that it pays less than i need to be able to save any money. i would benefit from earning a couple hundred more each week. so if i could earn $600 after taxes each week, that would be great. let me do the math--6 hours a day, 4 days a week, is 24 hours. that means i would need to earn a little over $25 an hour. i had that with counseling. but i don't like everything that goes along with counseling. unless there were a way to avoid working with insurance companies--which is possible if i did private-pay.
okay, so i like having a lot of independence, but also working with a couple people who are cool to work with. i like a less time-consuming schedule so that i have more time to do what i want outside of work. what about the nature of the work itself?
i do enjoy helping people. and by that, in my case, i enjoy being the listener or emotionally supportive person. but i also enjoy mundane tasks like data entry. i like composing letters and working on word documents. i do not like customer service that requires me to be fake. i enjoy being sincere and genuine, and being able to be honest with people.
based on some of the judgments i've been clocking, nothing revelatory has been acknowledged that leads me to any insights about what job(s) would best suit me. it's really difficult to find things that appeal to me and pay enough. the only reason i ended up being a secretary is because my best friend works here, and i knew that having 40 consistent hours a week would help me financially. i have no interest in promoting healthcare plans from the duopoly companies that profit from people's necessity for medical care. and, as i said, i am content here right now. and i don't just mean with my job. i am content with my life right now. and this is a good feeling. i am doing my best to enjoy what i feel blessed to have right now. and i like that i don't have to make any immediate decisions about what's next. for now, this job is working for me, and things in my own head and heart are good.
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