in the beginning
july 21, 2019
in the beginning, the relationship is all potential, slowly preparing for something more kinetic. the person is still mostly who you hope they are, though the curiosity to figure that out is a heavy component of the fun. the mutual exploration. the queries. the establishing of boundaries. the good nights and good mornings, and the general thrill of this new presence in our lives. a new set of stories. a new complex individual. all of our preferences and ideologies and experiences, the fodder that accompanies. that desire to touch each other.
but relationships are defined by the participants. and that's what I told him. and he's telling me how my being well-spoken is sexy. and I don't want to get too far ahead of myself.
it's frustrating having to keep myself in check. but it's all about staying in the moment and enjoying things as they unfold. will it work out? who knows. but it'll be fun seeing. because i'm not the average woman. i'm not the average person. I am A-grade human. hoping for A-grade company. hoping for that sense of touch that deepens the connection. the stuff that poetry is made of. the stuff screenplays are made of. not the Disney version of life. the stuff art imitates without corrupting. and I know that includes all the tragedy and pain too. but it's okay. at the end of the day, I can't live in fear of getting hurt. I can't be afraid of love and loss. it's all temporary. enjoy it while it lasts, as they say.
it's 10:31. I've started my day with cats and my porch and coffee and texting with this person who I've known of since high school, but who is essentially a stranger, but who is vetted by someone I trust. things are looking good.
all the other things are still present. but i'm focusing on the good. i'm hopeful. i'm excited. and that's something I haven't felt in a long time. so i'm trying not to just "wait and see what happens." i'm trying to soak up every bit of goodness as it happens.
he's already saying how talking to me is the bright part of his day. I don't want to be the center of his universe. and I can already see that pattern of heal and release that I seem prone to. but it's okay. it's okay. it's good. just enjoy.
in the beginning, the relationship is all potential, slowly preparing for something more kinetic. the person is still mostly who you hope they are, though the curiosity to figure that out is a heavy component of the fun. the mutual exploration. the queries. the establishing of boundaries. the good nights and good mornings, and the general thrill of this new presence in our lives. a new set of stories. a new complex individual. all of our preferences and ideologies and experiences, the fodder that accompanies. that desire to touch each other.
but relationships are defined by the participants. and that's what I told him. and he's telling me how my being well-spoken is sexy. and I don't want to get too far ahead of myself.
it's frustrating having to keep myself in check. but it's all about staying in the moment and enjoying things as they unfold. will it work out? who knows. but it'll be fun seeing. because i'm not the average woman. i'm not the average person. I am A-grade human. hoping for A-grade company. hoping for that sense of touch that deepens the connection. the stuff that poetry is made of. the stuff screenplays are made of. not the Disney version of life. the stuff art imitates without corrupting. and I know that includes all the tragedy and pain too. but it's okay. at the end of the day, I can't live in fear of getting hurt. I can't be afraid of love and loss. it's all temporary. enjoy it while it lasts, as they say.
it's 10:31. I've started my day with cats and my porch and coffee and texting with this person who I've known of since high school, but who is essentially a stranger, but who is vetted by someone I trust. things are looking good.
all the other things are still present. but i'm focusing on the good. i'm hopeful. i'm excited. and that's something I haven't felt in a long time. so i'm trying not to just "wait and see what happens." i'm trying to soak up every bit of goodness as it happens.
he's already saying how talking to me is the bright part of his day. I don't want to be the center of his universe. and I can already see that pattern of heal and release that I seem prone to. but it's okay. it's okay. it's good. just enjoy.
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