in this moment

i just want to take time to acknowledge how wonderful it is to crawl into my bed after a day of work. my bed. with its sheets that probably need to be changed, surrounded on 2 sides with piles of dirty or nearly dirty clothes. in my tiny cottage, with all its faults. i get frustrated with where i live because i don't have the ability to make home improvements, but it isn't ever lost on me how fortunate i am to have my own space with my own cats and my own messes. to have shelter that i can call mine. i love living alone. i love being able to wear mismatched unflattering pajamas once i change out of my work clothes. i love being able to choose what i want to watch on tv. i love not having to cook or clean for anyone but myself. sure, it's lonely sometimes, but i have not gotten over the joy of having my own space, with my own smells, my own decorations, and clutter. i enjoy thinking about where i might live next. but in the meantime, i am still grateful for my space, where if i choose, i can ignore the rest of the world and retreat into myself, think my thoughts, sing alone in my living room, fart as much as i need to, and just be myself. if i ever meet someone, they will have all that to compete with, because while sharing a space with someone implies there will be compromises, if it doesn't feel as comfortable as this, here, now, then i don't need it or want it. and yes, i want to reduce the amount of crap i have, and i want to eventually be some place that has a washer and dryer, and i want to live some place with proper insulation and without gaps around the doors that bleed cold drafts. there is a slightly higher level of comfort that i aspire to, but in this moment, in this bed, i am happy. before tomorrow begins, and before this night ends, i am happy.

maybe it is always in between that i am content...