love as a social construct

love is being patient, but not
for things that the other person will not do.
love can be passionate, but never in the form of a fist.
love is being faithful
and honest
and considerate,
and yes there's compromise
but never if someone has to sacrifice their own
well-being.
love is mutual respect
and reciprocity.
love is making the effort to listen
and communicate
and learn and teach.
love is knowing you will both do your best
to keep the relationship working.
love is being who you are and feeling confident
feeling empowered
in your partner's presence.
love is disagreeing sometimes but finding a way to middle-ground where you can both still feel right about moving forward together accomplish goals you have set for yourselves, for the relationship
love is wanting the other person to fulfill their dreams, and providing support and
feeling supported,
emotionally.
love is agreeing upon rules for the relationship, setting boundaries and making sure
the other person is on the same page. getting to the same page when there are too many discrepancies.
love is knowing the idiosyncracies in each other, and embracing even the things you would otherwise find annoying.
love is acknowledging expectations and working instead to create shared goals. love is not assuming you know what is best for each other.
love is not intentionally causing harm.
love is not implicit in good sex.
it is not controlling or dishonest or abusive.
it is not possession or obedience or obsession.
it is not something we become so absorbed into that we forget ourselves. and it is not something that fixes everything difficult in our lives.
and it is not limited to convention,
though certain truths surpass the context of when modern concepts of love were born.

...convention works just fine for some people.
but there are a lot of things i think people need to recognize as not being a part of love. i'm tired of people justifying their unhappiness because they love someone who does not truly add what love should add to one's life. and i realize it is difficult to get out of a relationship sometimes. maybe every time. but then people need to be more careful about getting into them. that part of courtship needs to resurge. we jump into relationships. dating, it seems to me, should be to determine whether or not you want to committ to someone (however long that might be). that's the other thing--i wish we could get over the idea of finding the one. i feel like that piece should just not even matter unless you actually meet a person you come to feel you even want to spend years with.

but point is i see too many people getting together with partners who don't do the things that truly loving partners would do. love is learned by the ways we are loved. so people who have not really learned how to love will think they're in love when really they're just so scared of being alone they'll settle for anything resembling a relationship, even if it's unhealthy or toxic or dangerous. even if it's not. people will stay with someone safe, and struggle with patterns of deceit, unable to confront the fact that they aren't happy within the relationship because it's too terrifying to be single and deal with "starting over."