rejecting the imagined pressure to couple

my friend posted an article about how it's difficult being single, ending ultimately with the idea of not being touched enough--not getting enough platonic physical contact.

as a veteran bachelorette, i often feel i have a decent amount of insight, or at least a wealth of perspective based on my own development as a single woman.

when i was younger, being alone would reach points of feeling unbearable. the loneliness twisted deeper into my sense of self, and only encouraged the negative self-talk to take the same routes that led to hating life.

but as i got older, and was able to observe or hear more about the experiences of people in different relationships, it gave me examples of what happened when two people (or more), had not yet...matured enough to handle even the basics. trust. communication. boundaries. a secure ego. the right partner would ideally help one to thrive and flourish into a stronger person, happier through the support, encouragement, and love offered from someone who provided emotional and physical comfort. but too often people i saw together didn't make very good friends. they didn't communicate well. they got jealous. they worried. it was hard, and they didn't know how to work at it because in many cases they didn't own what they had to work on within themselves.

i was envious of people who had a source of consistent touch, both romantic and tender, reassuring, comforting. but i also saw the things that went along with that. the complexities of two individuals trying to establish and maintain couplehood.

and once i started living alone, i had the space to continue working on the things i felt would make it difficult to navigate a relationship. my insecurities. my negative self-talk. my apathy. i nourished a relationship with myself while also allowing the friendships i had and was still making evolve. i found ways to work on the fundamentals of any healthy relationship with the people already in my life who loved me exactly as i am.

that is something i am still working on. nourishing that inner and interpersonal growth.

after a length of time not being touched, i find a couple different things happen. i go through periods of being very horny, but also longer periods of feeling content. i relish the freedom that accompanies living alone (with 2 cats and plants who also all have names). i have not gotten tired or bored with the peace that goes with having my own sanctuary. and in fact, i've expressed to people that at this point, it would be hard for me to share that space, to cohabitate full time with someone.

i would like the opportunity to try that one day. i would like to know that i can grow with someone, that i can now navigate the complexities of romantic, committed involvement. but in the meantime, i consistently reject the social pressure toward couplehood. i know there is more to figure out on my own about self-love, acceptance, and improvement. i know my relationship with myself will continue to evolve. and the next time i meet someone with whom there exists an opportunity to couple with, that person, our relationship, and i will all benefit from the time i have permitted myself to learn more about embracing who i am and how i want to translate that love into the way i exist in the world.