afterglow

november 23, 2013

i don't want to lose sight of the moment.

for me, that means not dwelling on the fact that he talked about being busy in the springtime.  not worrying about what it will be like that long ahead of now.

now.

basking in the residual heat,
the air still thick with the scent of our sweat
the ghosts of moans echoing the moments
our limbs woke and reached,
intertwining and unwinding, pulling and coaxing,
arching my back into the thrust
skin saturated by the dance
between bodies riding the rhythm,
ephemerally loud, mocking
the pounding
of hearts inside these temples of flesh.

i keep wondering how much of it is me and how much of it is him.  because i've reached this new level of me.  but i know how my ability to feel at ease relies on the proper company to thrive.  not every lover makes me feel so alive.  not every man has the magic touch.

give and take.

i've taken up his time, and i've given him mine.  and it leads us to the touch.  and we soak it up.  but we will be extending the honeymoon, and for how long?  why is it so easy to wonder?  why is it such habit to consider defining what is?  it is only because it's natural to worry.  he said today that, he thinks, it's only a matter of time before we have an argument, or he hurts me, or he pisses me off, or i piss him off.  it's hard to imagine that.  not only because i'm not the type to raise my voice at someone outside of my immediate family, but because i truly want to continue making the effort to communicate.  and i feel like without having the complication of sharing domestic space, or a stated commitment, or anything that happens much deeper into a relationship, then it will be difficult to fall into a state of mind where i am disappointed or frustrated.  and in the process of getting to know one another, we'll learn what pet peeves we have and what triggers cause our tempers to flare.  and as long as i don't take things out on him (which is something i try not to do with anyone), and make use of my words, then it seems silly to worry about that.  and i know he didn't say it because it was something he was dreading.  it was a matter of fact statement.  based on past experiences.  based on the understanding that two people, over time, will get to one another.

it is so nice at this phase.  i don't want to fuck it up.  and my only fear at this point is that he will get bored.  but if i have faith in the fact that i'm a beautifully complex and fun and uplifting individual, then there's no reason to worry about that either.

what's the worst that could happen?  i could end up going back to just me, with a little more experience and a few more memories to add to the story i am shaping as i go.

i have provided documentation of a reminder.